By: Catherine Gale
Collaborative Family Lawyer/Mediator
Currently, in Australia, 48% of marriages end in Divorce.
There are no real winners in the process. Sadly however, the biggest losers emotionally, are the children, and financially, the parties.
The Mills-McCartney Divorce recently made the headlines around the world as the couple waged war! Showcasing the worst behaviour imaginable of a divorcing couple, the media went into a frenzy to report the vitriol, conflict, bitterness and even greed the couple exhibited.
It is hard to imagine how Mills and McCartney will go on to co-operatively parent their child after waging such a bitter battle. Moreover, most of us do not have access to the enormous financial resources of this couple and the financial consequences of such a battle would for most take years to recover from.
This article is about The Good Divorce.
You can’t always choose whether to divorce or not, BUT, you can decide how well or badly you do it.
Around the world, couples are deciding to divorce without waging war.
They are opting for privacy, certainty, control, time and cost efficiency. After all, not everyone wants their dirty laundry splashed across the tabloids. They want to come through the process without being financially crippled and still on speaking terms with the other party.
You won’t read about these couples in the tabloids, as people who behave with dignity are rarely newsworthy.
It all started 20 years ago in the States, when a guy called Stu Webb, a family lawyer from Minnesota, wanted better outcomes for his clients. Since then, it has spread around America, to Canada, the UK, Europe and more recently to Australia.
Couples looking for a Good Divorce are choosing their Divorce lawyers very carefully. They are hiring lawyers who are specially trained in conflict resolution and who take a holistic approach to the issues facing the family. Lawyers who will put together a team of financial, property and other specialists to assist the couple to reach co-operative solutions that pose the least harm to them and their families, both emotionally and financially.
The team of experts, all trained in conflict resolution will then work with the couple and provide timely relevant advice as they transition from one household to two. Along the way, they may need a range of services.
There may be a house to be sold or re-financed and professional assistance will be needed here. One might be looking for rental accommodation. They will both have to analyse what they can afford in the future and budgeting and financial planning advice will often be needed. Superannuation may need to be split and there might need to be a rollover. Someone who has never purchased a property outright, may find a property advocate useful, one or both might benefit from some career counselling or a personal or business coach.
In 2006, as President of The Law Institute of Victoria, I made a commitment to bring this holistic approach to Divorce to Australia and am proud to say that since that time, around Australia; more than 300 family lawyers have undergone training in Collaborative Family Law. The Law Institute of Victoria is currently in the process of training the other professionals we need to make the process really work.
Divorce brings with it uncertainty, and for the client with little or no experience handling money, and often no background in business, fear of what the financial future holds, is often an impediment to a settlement.
Well intentioned family or friends often heighten the fear, as advice from these sources is often ill informed and misguided. In this context, the team of experts engaged jointly by the parties with their lawyers can really help the divorcing couple come to terms with their parenting options, their true financial situation and reduce the anxiety levels that can stand in the way of a peaceful settlement
A team, comprising the lawyers, and other experts as needed, which may include financial planners, mortgage brokers, accountants, property valuers and advocates, personal development coaches, will be put together in consultation with the clients to work towards solutions. Many of these experts will continue to assist the couple well into the future.
So how is this different to what lawyers have always done?
First of all, everybody agrees not to go to Court and sign a contract to that effect. Once the threat of Court is off the table, this enables everyone to get down to the real business of finding solutions that will work for the couple.
Instead of each lawyer trying to win for their client at the expense of the other, the lawyers work as a team through a structured interest based negotiation process, to assist the couple to find the best solutions that will meet both of their interests.
By creating a team of other professionals, additional knowledge and resources are brought to the table to assist the clients in their understanding of what settlement options might work for them.
Our experience shows us that the acrimony is reduced, settlements are achieved in a much shorter time frame, with less angst and expense, and the communication between the couple is not destroyed enabling them to move forward with respect and get on with the business of their lives.
The Law Institute of Victoria is running its next 2 day Introduction to Collaborative Practice on the 15th and 16th August 2008, and again on the 5th and 6th December 2008. If you would be interested to learn more personally, or if you are a professional interested to undertake the training please look at my website www.catherinegale.com.au or email me at cgale@catherinegale.com.au
If interested in learning more about this update please contact me today!
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